| been awhile since I posted |
[Nov. 26th, 2008|05:05 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| |  crappy | ] |
hello peoples
being alone sucks
I regret not going with my mom to New Jersey
but I wanted the house to myself
but no family around thanksgiving sucks
esp. since Im not eating with my dad and grandma either
I just want my mom home
This time of year sucks for me because its all family orientated
and I dont have much of a family
I might have lots of friends and might get lots of stuff
but Im still a really sad person |
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| It kinda funny |
[Sep. 7th, 2008|11:05 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| |  happy | ] |
how people change
I remember me from a year ago, whoa.
two years ago, even more whoa.
3 years + is like HOLY SHIT WHOA.
and looking back at my friends too, how much they have changed.
sometimes I feel like I'm the only one who's not being as serious as I should be.
But I think what matters is knowing how your leading your life.
I've been pretty happy with life latly.
Things have been going really well.
My friends, bf, school, home have been all working out which makes things so much eaisier and less stressful.
When I stick to things and get things done, and know when to say no, everything works out so much better. |
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| I feel like a fucking superstar! |
[Aug. 30th, 2008|01:55 am] |
| [ | mood |
| | happy | ] |
I truly do
I'm at the prime of my life, everthing seems to be going so well for me. I'm attending school, I'm in a dancing team, I have a job, and my body feels great!
Yeah theres ups and downs but in the end you just need to realize you can get through it, you might have to push yourself but if ya do the end result just might be fabulous...
heres some pics of the photoshoot from my dancing team, we are getting so many gigs latly its awesome, dancing on stage, dont have to pay, that is what I call awesome.
This is when I think in my head, I really love being me. |
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| hmm |
[Aug. 15th, 2008|02:04 pm] |
I have my first photoshoot today
I'm kinda nervous because I never did one before, but I'm pretty excited
It's for this gogo dancing team I'm in
we need to get professional pics so we have more gigs
I'm so excited for it though
We're gonna be dancing at Monster Massive which is the biggest halloween rave in LA with thousands of people and hella famous DJs
Wow thats gonna be amazing
And I'm finally 17~! yay!
I could't have asked for a better birthday weekend
It was amazing
hmm but the last few days were not as great
but I'm trying to get through them
and ugh school starts soon
whoop di doo
okay I should start getting ready for things and freshen up
<3
it would be nice to hear from old friends
I know most of you are busy but I feel like you don't even give a shit about me and our friendship anymore
well whatever |
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| soo |
[Aug. 8th, 2008|08:44 am] |
for my last entry I didn't mean I ca't survive without a boyfriend
what I was trying to get through is that it'd be nice to have one in my opinion
umm yeah no one needs someone to be complete, I respect individuality all the way and its important to know not to rely on someone else
but when you wake up next to your empty pillow, it would be so nice to see the love of your dreams right next to you
blah blah blah whatever right?
well I know what I would like
I'm happy with a lot of things, with friends, my body, and what Im doing with my head
but Its like ice cream I have all the good yummy parts I just need to top it off with sprinkles to make it bomb ass ice cream!
Yeah I do have my whole life ahead of me, and I'm pretty sure it'll be a hell of a lot easier when I'm 18
but who knows maybe someone will pop up when I least expect it
till then I'll have to wait
And trust me I know its not all about boys or girls or whatever
Its about being you and what you can make out of your life and put into this world |
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| okay.. |
[Aug. 7th, 2008|10:43 am] |
so this sounds lame
but I really want a boyfriend
who loves me and hugs me and tells me how much they love me
and I don't get why its so hard for me to get one
seriously am I that much of a turn off?
then theres that whole weird feeling I get where I feel people hate me
is it that Im just being too much of me where people cant take it
well sorry Im not super skinny and blonde and fake and blending in all the time
I know Im kinda crazy at times but its just me
therefore I guess finding a guy to match up with me is hard
therefore I loose and suck
and that is just all baaaaaad |
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| summer time and the livings easy XD |
[Jul. 25th, 2008|01:40 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| | relaxed | ] |
dude
wow dude
this has to be one of the best summers of my life!
I feel so fabulous and loved and radiant
I feel when I walk down the street I give off a glow because Im just so happy!
Every weekend is fufilled with parties, entertainment, and a shitload of fun!
the weekdays, I'm always busy and I have a fantastic job!
I'm so happy that things are going so swell!
look how happy I am with my friends and just me being happy!
yay!
I sure do miss my old friends tho, =( I try to hang out with em' but they just seem to be so busy all the time
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| (no subject) |
[Jun. 17th, 2008|10:10 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| | sad | ] |
i dont have friends anymore
im alone
and i hella suck
and life sucks
and no one keeps up with me
and everyone just seperates in the end
and people hate me for being me
so whats even the point anymore |
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| attention |
[Jun. 13th, 2008|10:33 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| | grateful | ] |
When one day I am superstar DJ Disco I will rock n rave the world.
I'll make loads of money, have the love of my life, and have the best of friends.
I will be stunning and envied.
I will be kind and loving.
I will not go into depressions, and I will make the most out of things.
I will have my perfect body, and my perfect smile.
I will thrive and shine and inspire.
I always keep it real and never change for no one.
I'm me and I love it. |
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| oi |
[Jun. 8th, 2008|11:44 pm] |
ugga wugga I have so much on my mind
I feel like my mind just goes up and down with everything every few hours and I hate it. one moment I love myself the next I hate everything about me.
Its so weird and blah blah blah
I feel like Im confused over nothing and I just make myself feel this way for I have no idea why but then I think about it and maybe I should be like this
dude wtf??? errr
well at least I feel beautiful
esp. in these two pics lol
Im sure all of my friends feel this because all you guys are so pretty...you know that feeling of like you know ur so beautiful and present your self so nicely but feel like shit and are super sad inside? i feel like that a lot =( |
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| blah |
[Jun. 8th, 2008|08:30 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| | depressed | ] |
I'm so sorry Kristine.
I feel like such a jerk. I wanted to make you happy but it just seemed you didn't like it
I just want you to know your my best friend and I love you and your so beautiful and smart
god damn life is just sometimes to fucking sucky
I just wanna make everyone happy
People just need to be themselves sometimes
and forget about the sucky people.
God damn I haven't been this sad in a long time.
I feel so fucking lonely sometimes.
And I hate thinking about shit too much it just hurts my brain.
Btw I lost of bunch of numbers that I need so if Dyne and Amy can give me yo numbers we should all hang out soon I miss you guys and of course Kristine too
<3 I miss my old friends so much |
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| Random rainbow spazzy thoughts |
[Jun. 1st, 2008|07:37 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| | happy | ] |
I know this pretty rave girl
always think about her
when she says I do me
butterflies go right through me
and when I see her dancing
I wanna take a chance and
maybe get to know her XD
Sorry my non raver friends....you should go to a rave, they are so much fun! There even the best sober!
I guess I was just born to love flashing ADD lights and cheesey happy hardcore beats and colorful plastic jewlery lol
I've been such in a good mood lately its crazy!
I still have my kick ass roker side though and BFD this saturday!!! But then again theres mostly DJs there HAHAHAHAHAHAAH zee rav3rzz are taking overrr. lmao
If you guys are down, listen to ur favorite song ever and dance crazy, sexy, or frekay lol to it...it makes you feel so much better!
and then call me and lets get some sushi
<3 |
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| THIS IS A MUST WATCH VIDEO |
[May. 29th, 2008|11:14 pm] |
srsly watch this.
It like will make you feel hella better.
And may make you cry...
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| (no subject) |
[May. 20th, 2008|09:29 pm] |
I'm so glad I'm over my ex.
I'm so glad I don't live with my dad.
But my heart hurts a lot.
Love fucking kills it.
Never good anough for my fucking dad. I'm never fucking good anough. I just want to be. I just want him to respect me for once. And be proud of me. Why can't he just do that for one fucking once
Pretty much my dad is like the the dad in Walk the Line of Johnny Cash..exact same thing, even if I get famous for doing something faboulous I'll never be good anough...
And it really hurts me. I know I shouldn't fuss about it, but he's my dad and I just want him to understand me for me and not for some supershot he has in his mind
what ever what ever what ever what ever
I need to see friends to comfert me
<3 |
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| wow |
[Apr. 24th, 2008|11:25 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| |  nostalgic | ] |
eating noodle soup with my dad down at Irving.
"So Jess I'm thinking of moving to Seattle and you can live with your mom and I will fly down every other weekend"
Sounds cool dad.
dad: I mean you won't mind your almost all grown up and soon you'll be on your own.
Shit. A year from now the days will be catching up to me way to fast for me to handle. You always want to be 18 18 18! But deep down I'm still a kid. I don't know how to do grown up stuff yet. I want my dad to make me sandwiches and my mom to take me out to the movies.
I still have a year and 4 months to cherish of my childhood and I'm going to make the best out of it. Who cares if your seen with your parents?! You have your whole life to be without them, I say make the last years with them ones that they will remember.
<3 |
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| HIYA |
[Apr. 21st, 2008|10:18 am] |
| [ | mood |
| | peaceful | ] |
This weekend was so crazy.
Friday night went to a rave with my best friend eva!! And I had so much fun...soberlicious too!
Then me and Tin slept all day lol
And I went to this day party on Saturday
Saw hella ravers that I am kinda getting sick of
Like actually some of them are just so retarded >.<
I had to take care of my friends who were shrooming
And run into my ex who was drunk and gross
And I had such a faboulous outfit on and got my fucking period ewwww
Saturday was a bad day...like realy bad
But then Sunday epic 420 lmao
I got smoked out
I only payed for my own whippits
It was all fucking awesome
Everyone told me I looked super hot, even though I'm sick and I was baked lol
Freedom and friends makes me shine
Knowing what I want makes it all better
GETTING INTO SOTA MAKES ME JUMP UP AND DOWN!!!
And looking in the mirror makes me wanna hug myself
I love the choices I'm making right now
Getting on the path
Not putting things aside
And fucking living life by balancing things
Its not all about parties
Its not all about what UC to get into
Its about taking the time to figure what will make you the most happy in life
Even if it takes time to get there
Everyone is in such a rush!
Take a breathe and go at your goals one step at a time
Live to put a share of your wisdom on this planet
and thrive
Sometimes its okay to be a little selfish
<3 |
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| (no subject) |
[Apr. 16th, 2008|10:20 am] |
I close my eyes
not knowing what to expect
what will the next day bring to me
where will my dreams lead me
I am so over being sad
I want to just want to get going
I feel a mile behind
but I know I can catch up
If I keep my mind set to things
I'm happy deep down
I am
These feelings of lost and confusion just need to leave
I'm so much stronger then that
I made it this far
through shit
why not just keep going to get what I want
To be who I am
I feel bad for people who don't know who they are
I pity them
Because its one of the most important things to find
You can only be puzzled for so long
Its just time to get it
and still learn
and make mistakes
but know the basics
I don't need to hide away
I need to face my problems
and then figure them out
and then kick them in the ass
I need friends who have the same ideas
People with individuality
Not people who have to be clinged to the crowd
to a person
to their family
People who can be themselves
and live strongly
I have my arms open for anyone who needs help
But the best way to help
Is to love yourself and figure things out
Get involved with life
Don't hide in a cave
Don't be mean
Love
But respect
Not just others
But most of all
Respect yourself. |
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| (no subject) |
[Mar. 29th, 2008|12:14 am] |
| [ | mood |
| |  listless | ] |
You know what's the worst feeling in the world?
Being madly in love with someone who doesn't care, who doesn't love you back.
I feel like crap.
=( |
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| why hello...... |
[Mar. 16th, 2008|07:17 am] |
| [ | mood |
| | thoughtful | ] |
Ive been thinking so much lately its been hurting my brain....
Dear Jessica,
Go to a well fitted school for you. Graduate high school. Go to city college for two years, transfer to a good college. Go to beauty school as well. Get a degree in business. Practice DJing and do gigs on the sid. Also join acting companies for fun. Eat healthy. Work out a few times every week, no excuses! Take meds. Take it easy on the partying. Say no to drugs and alcohol, they only make you feel worst in the end. Sleep 8 hours every night. Practice Synthe and guitar. Get a dog. Grow up and read more Discover magazines. Take romantic walks on the beach with boyfriend. Go visit family more in NJ. Give mother flowers on my birthday to show her how happy I am she gave birth to me. Get married to the love of my life. Get a kitty. Go to Australia. Try escargo. Have children, and name them cute original names. Play bball with Raph. Sing to the Beatle songs. Grow older and start drinking a glass of wine with fancy pasta dishes. Go to the private beaches in Mexico. Try spam in Hawaii. Have a friend reunion from highschool. Meet someone famous for writing a best seller book. Kiss my lover lots of times, and think of different creative ways to do it. Be happy with life. Just be happy and get through the tough times....
Love,
Jessica
P.S. Go skydiving! |
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| (no subject) |
[Mar. 11th, 2008|10:48 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| |  confused | ] |
DOOD I hella dont get why the fuck my dad has to be such an asshole?
Like he changed the locks again and Im not allowed in my room with all of my stuff.
Thats illegal to kick your child out of the house.
God damn and like I have to deal with this shit almost every week.
He calls me names and mentally abuses me constantly.
I want to love him so bad just to get that repect but its so fucking hard.
It really sucks and it hurts me and it makes me get so much more depressed.
on top of it I have the worst period cramps and woman could ever get.
And my kidney shit hurts so bad right now and Im hella in physical pain.
I had a really nice time with my boyfriend this weekend though. I love him so much its crazy! Somtimes I feel like this little naive girl way too in love for her own good only waiting upon to get hurt. But its to hard to not be head over heals for this guy. His voice makes me smile, his touch makes me get the tingles, I just love it.
I just wish my dad would change. He really needs help but is to stubborn and is to headstrong to recive it and he doesn't know how much he hurts me. Like I said I dont want to be saying stuff like this about my dad because I love him so much, but he hurts me so much. |
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